I QUIT!!!!!

Well, the week of house cleaning has come to an end, with an entire floor of the house untouched. I've decided I'm done. No more cleaning. No more straightening. No more simplifying. I'm done!!! The only problem is...all that simplifying has left the basement a disaster...and that's where I live!! Not the brightest cookie in the sky, am I. It's time like these when I wish I had a camera for the before and after shots. You would not believe the difference in the girls' rooms. I'm not even sure they will believe it. While there were no major renovations such as paint or knocking down walls, I quick change of furniture and all the clothes off the floor has made a huge impact.

I've continued to do some emotional and spiritual house cleaning as well. It has not been easy and I have gone through an entire box of kleenex, but I feel internally lighter. I need to allow myself to feel sad about situations that are sad. I need to grieve when I am wounded or when I see others wounded. I need to put on a tearful, hurt, sad face sometimes instead of always trying to keep my chin up. I need to allow others to comfort me, even if I don't fully trust the process anymore. I need not take responsibility for the lives of others or their decline. That is up to them. It is not up to me to do all I can to make sure they are safe and to take on all the burdens I can carry so they won't have to (that's a hard one).

What does all this mean? I'm not exactly sure. I think there will be some visible changes to how I spend my time. I think I need to take a hard look at all the things I am involved in and ask myself why I am there. (That's scary for me). I need to have some difficult conversations with people I love and who love me (no, not you!). Then there are a ton of other things I need to do that I don't even know yet. Above all else, I need to make room in my life to experience the love of God, from him directly to me. Not a time of prayer for others. Not seeking his direction for this or that. Simply a time for him to love me.......That will make all the difference.

Yes, I know what time it is!

The girls are gone to camp for the whole week, so here I am, living the dream! When asked what they thought what I'd be doing with my free time, their response was "Party!" If only they knew that I was up late simplifying the kitchen! Oh the glamour.

Honestly, it was hard leaving them at camp today. I know they will have a wonderful time. I sure did when I was their ages. I think it was more the marking of another milestone in their lives. They are old enough to be at sleep away camp for an entire week. How did that happen? Where did the time go? Did I use the time wisely? Who knew dropping your kids off could be such a philosophical adventure? It's just crazy to think that from this point on, I will not be a part of many of the memories they make. They are starting to live their own lives and need to find their own way. No more holding hands. More waves good-bye as they start their grand adventures.

I think I like this!!!

Vacation time is probably the sweetest thing ever. It is also the scariest thing for a single mom that doesn't trust her abilities to parent positively in all situations. However, I declare this current family vacation time to be a success thus far!!! There have not been any major blow ups or accidents, and that's even AFTER 4 hours at Magic Mountain.

So far, we have spent 4 days on the Miramichi at my Dad's camp. Lots of fun swimming in the river, "planting" flowers that mysteriously look like weeds, swimming in the river, playing at the local playground, and more swimming in the river.

Since our return to Moncton, we have seen the movie Hairspray. We all loved it! It was great to watch the girls trying to dance quietly in their seats. The girls have also had a friend sleep over and have spent some time at Magi Mountain. Today, we are back to normal life.

I'll give more details later. My computer time is now up!!!

On The Road Again

As of yesterday, my girls are going on another road trip with their Dad this week. That means two more nights of peace and quiet and the possibility of wearing whatever I want to bed. I should be so excited. This is what I have been longing for for the past 8 years. Time to myself every once in a while. Time to be just one person and responsible for no one but myself.

But it's not what I thought it would be. Come to find out, I have no idea what I like to do. When they are away even for a Saturday, I find myself sitting in my house starring at the TV with no idea what I could do. I don't say that to gain sympathy or "dates". It's just that I didn't realize how much I depend on my kids to fill up my life....wow....that's a lot of responsibility to put on them.
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please standby as the blogger finds a kleenex
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we now return to the blogg in progress
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So I guess we will see what this week brings. Maybe it won't be as weird as I think. Maybe I will go for a long walk in the park or have a movie night with a movie I want to watch. Or maybe I'll crawl in my bed at 7 o'clock and read until midnight. Or maybe I'll go out with friends. I don't really know. Whatever it is, I am going to decide to learn what I like to do and who I am in this new phase of my divorced life.

Thanks for joining me on this ride. I appreciate the company.

Is that what I think it is??

Could it be true? Could it actually be the sun that is creating such a bright light in the sky?? It is so wonderful to feel the warmth of the sun again. I was starting to think that global warming was only a myth!

I don't wanna work

What do you do when you don't want to work? I guess you do this!!! It's been an interest few days as a co-parent. I can certainly see, now more than ever, why God designed for the family unit to stick together. While I have a much better situation than some, it is not easy. Making decisions about your childrens lives while you come from different perspectives is hard. My ex-partner and I don't always see the world or God the same way. How do we bring up our children in the way we should when we don't always agree on the fundamentals? I don't know the answer to that. I guess this is where God's grace and protection for my children comes in.

God, bring it on. We need all of you that we can get.

agh!!

Can I tell you just how much I love and hate the opening day of registration? It is the most fun day of the year because everyone is excited to get things in order for the fall. They are excited to take new courses and buy fresh school supplies. It is the most infuriating time of year because I keep hearing, "Is that course a lot of work? I don't really want to take anything that's hard." To that I say, "YOU ARE IN UNIVERSITY!!!! IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE HARD!!!!!!!!"

good friends are hard to find....

especially when it's a long weekend! This is probably the first Canada Day weekend I've spent in Moncton for a long time. Did you know that none of the folks I would usually hang with were here? It's like a ghost town in Marybeth-land. Very strange!

Don't get me wrong. I've had a great weekend with the girls. Saturday night we watched movies and Sunday we went to Caseley Park in Riverview. We had a great time there. We got tattooed, face painted, and did a craft. We even went in the little fire engine that little kids get a ride in. There is some highly qualified driver in the back (I'm sure) and the little kids scamper in the front. It almost looks like the kids are driving. Anyway, my children coaxed me in to going in this thing with you. I wasn't sure this was a completely rational idea, especially when we took a couple of corners way too fast. I mean this thing is for 3-4 small children! Not two medium children and a big mama (as fine as she may be)! It was an experience I'm sure the driver won't forget soon.

We ventured downtown for the fireworks, that didn't happen. BOOOOOO! BOOOOO! I say! There were thousands of people downtown and we found out they were cancelled when we say the firework people pack up there stuff and drive away!!! Great communications team, City of Moncton!

Anyway, we're going to try it again tonight. I hope all goes well. I guess we'll see!

Here I am!!!

I never thought I would be this person, but here I am. I don't know how long this will last, but I thought I'd give it a shot....If you decide to read this blog, I wouldn't come expecting any deep moments of wisdom or humour. Just come expecting to know me better. So stay tuned....you never know what might happen!